Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
