I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
