Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
