Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
