The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
