Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
