He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
