Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize