lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
