i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
