put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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