Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
