i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
