Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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