If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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