I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
