Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
