She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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