Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
