i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
