..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
