once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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