Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
