I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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