I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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