No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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