Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
only if we run a train.
done.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
