Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
