I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
