I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there was a trapeze. enough said
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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