I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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