she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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