I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
