$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
