Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
