The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
