Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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