Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
