You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
