So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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