If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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