My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
