shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
