I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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