So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
