I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
