When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
