It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
