Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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