Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
