When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
