when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
