like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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