I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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