I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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