I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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