It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
