Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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