you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
