I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We need to get me chipped asap
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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