Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
