just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
