I saw his package. It spoke to me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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