I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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