Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
