She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
