Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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