Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
