So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
