Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
