WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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