it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
