The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just found a bag of teeth...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
