I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
