just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
